At this point, I really don't know what to do anymore. Anything that is supposed to be "good" for me is always only almost good.  I fall short in a lot of areas of my life, but what I'm directly referring to (at least right now) is school.

Senior year isn't anything like I thought it would be.  I remember like it was yesterday, coming into high school as a freshman with an uncanny admiration for the infamous 12th graders.  I  would see them throughout the school day, and from the outside looking in, envy their distinguished maturity and livelihood.

Three years later, I'm in there place and everything I SAW as freshman FEELS completely different. Everyday is another issue, thus the issues accumulate with time.  I am constantly worried about getting homework done to maintain good grades while balancing out trying to get college things in order; both very stressful and hard to juggle.

I'm on edge right now.  I have worked very hard this semester and none of my grades show for it.  No matter what I do, my actions and academic vigor refuses to correspond to the products I produce.  In other words, my performance is not yielding good results.

In terms of college, I am doing everything on my own.  Figuring out what school to go to is one thing, but I have no guidance and talking to my mom about anything related to it is a waste of time; she doesn't know the answer to anything and she doesn't provide any real help.  I have no idea how I'm going to pay the application fees of the schools I am applying to either...

Speaking of the schools I am applying to, there are several, some might even say too many. But I can't help it.  I am afraid that I will get rejected by the majority of them, so applying to a multitude of schools gives me a sense of security.  In the even that I do get into school, how I am going to pay for it is another story.  I shouldn't be saying this (because things need to be taken care of now), but that is a bridge I shall cross when I come to it.  Right now, I'm just focused on getting in.

Getting in is the real problem.  Submitting applications cost money, completing applications is HARD, and getting teachers and counselors to do their part in terms of recommendations and signing things are a real headache.  I have less than a month to get everything done, and from the looks of things, nothing will get done.


I need help.