Yesterday was a defining moment. While realizing that college application deadlines were just a few days away, and that I haven't narrowed down my choices nor finished what is required of me - I broke down. I cried with and aside my mother...

I worried myself sick about how imperfect things are at the current moment, how I'm not good enough and how, if by some chance my mom scurries up the money to pay for my applications - it would all be a waste of time and a waste of money.

I'm not going to get accepted.

Seemed to be the only thing I can tell myself. As much as it pains me to say it, I lost the majority of hope in this entire process,  and now I am depending on the lingering leap of faith that subsides in the pit of my heart. I HAVE TO GET IN to at least one of of my choices; if I don't I would feel like all my hard work in high school was time wasted.

Wasting time...

Now that I think about, wasting time seems to be a pattern. Maybe my state of mind right now has a lot to do with time. With me. With my actions. Maybe I haven't cared enough or use my times wisely. Well, you see, that's just it.

I THOUGHT I WAS ON TOP OF MY *SHH.

However, reality has set in and only time, a plethora of e-mails and the opening of acceptance letters will tell. Hopefully, this crying everyday will diminish once this is all over. Aside from the fact that this applying process will all be over soon, I guess you can say that there are a few things to look forward to. Something I have been waiting for all my life (We will discuss what these things are at a later time).

I don't know much to say about the matter besides...
Well, I don't have anything else to say.