This great weather has been bitter-sweet.

Bitter because I don't have the means to go out and enjoy it, and sweet because at least it feels nice; oh and I have my imagination to keep me company.

I wish I could just get out and do something, but it is not that easy. It seems like this nice weather is here to stay (then again, this is Georgia) and like no matter what I will be staying locked up in my bedroom with my eyes fixated on some old show or movie, brought to me by Netflix.

Yes, some life I have right? I really need by birth certificate to come in the mail this week so that I can get my license, get my dad to buy my car and move on with my life. Right now I'm stuck and hating it.

*looks at the time*

School tomorrow. Joy.

I shall go and prepare myself mentally for the true Hell on Earth.

With each day, it's only getting harder...

I know in my last blog I stated that I feel like something is wrong with me, but today, well as of yesterday, I began to feel good about where I am at in life right now. It is hard to believe that only a few years ago I was looking forward to high school and now it is just about over.

I used to wonder if I would fall off track and amount to nothing, or find something to distract me and cause me to be mediocre. Fortunately, I have continued to work hard under poor conditions and achieved several things I once doubted.

I am proud to say that I am graduating in the top 10 of my class, ranked number 6. I would have loved to be in the top 5, but considering all the things I went through these past four years, I am lucky to have been in the top 20. I just want to say to anyone out there who feels like they can't perform well during hard times that you can, you just have to want it first. I owe my success to desire.

*Tears roll down my face.*

I am happy you guys. I will be the first in my family to not only be able to call himself a "senior," but I will be graduating and going to college with a GPA over 4.0 *breathes*

There is more I want to talk about, but that is coming next blog. Stay tuned!

Something is ailing me, but I am not sure what it is. I find myself letting out very huge sighs at the most random times and today my mom finally asked me "What is wrong with you." Her asking me that was kind of out of nowhere, but it also added to my "frustration" because my answer to her was simply, "I have no idea." Yet, I am certain that something is wrong.

What does all of this mean? Why am I feeling this way? How can I solve it? These are the questions I keep asking myself. Right now I am hoping that it is just a phase of life, especially considering that I am now a young adult of 18 years old, on the brink of transitioning between high school and college. The real world is near and my disposition is just not quite up to par, that worries me.

I also think that I am in desperate need of change. Yes, I get bored with things very easily. Everything has been pretty constant for the past couple weeks and maybe it is time to rock the axes of my physical and emotional self. Maybe I should change something about me or maybe I should go do something I have never done. I really haven't the slightest clue what I am talking about.

Maybe I just need to relax. Yeah, that's probably what it is.

As you can see, unless this is your first time visiting, I changed the layout design. I had a free Monday so I just went for it. There are some things I am trying to fix but now that it is up already, I just don't feel like being bothered with coding. If anything is wrong with design, don't be afraid to point it out to me, I move quick.

While I am here, I just want to say I had a good "break." I had Friday and today off from school plus the weekend. Might I add that I had a great Friday and a very relaxing weekend.

School is almost over. Almost.

Sitting here writing a blog seems a bit foreign to me; granted, I have been absent my blog for an extended period of my time. Not updating was not at all my intention, it's just I haven't had much to say. From time to time, a topic would hit me, and following, I would fail to find the words to convey my idea on the topic or I would just forget about it altogether.

Still, I have nothing "interesting" or thought-provoking to discuss, so I am kind of just going to say what has been on my mind lately. The future.

The future is something we think about consciously from time to time, but I on the other hand (maybe I am speaking for myself and myself only) tend too think about it way to much. Reading today, I realized that I do crave the lifestyle that consists of having a great, professional-esque job that requires me to dress up in a shirt and tie, having a fulfilled social life, a great home and fine dining.

When I think about what I want, it makes me appear to be materialistic, but really, I crave all the things I never had. It is no secret that I come from a humble background, and presently so, my lifestyle is still in fact lower/middle-class. I am in no way ashamed of my current state, in fact I pay homage to the adversity in my life because it is responsible for my headstrong work ethic as well as my motivation to succeed. Success is my fuel to escape my current life and seek a new one.

The future. Every new second is the future and can I really be blamed for wondering what is to come? I want to wake up in the mornings and know that my bills will be paid, my desires satisfied and that I deserve good things to happen to me. The world is a tricky, sometimes conniving place - and I wish the best for everyone. If a better future is what you want, by all means go for it and shoot for the stars.